[Landon Stanley]: Thank you, thank you, Ava and Natalie for your wonderful explanation of relationships at work.
[Landon]: The penultimate chapter explanation has finally come to an end, indicating the start of the last and final segment.
[Landon]: My name is Landon Stanley and I am a junior pursuing my communication degree here at UNI.
[Landon]: With me I have
[Lexi Ohl]: Lexi Ohl, I am a sophomore who is majoring in human resource management and minoring in communication and business communication.
[Lexi]: And then we also have...
[Jacy Nielsen]: My name is Jacy Nielsen. I'm a first year student.
[Jacy]: I'm also studying communications, but I have a double minor in marketing and ethics.
[Landon]: And we are here to explain...
[All]: The Dark Side of Communication.
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[Lexi]: We are here today to explain what the Dark Side of Communication
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[Lexi]: is by discussing hurtful messages, which is one of the main aspects of this chapter.
[Lexi]: This segment will delve into the 10 variations of hurtful messages,
[Landon]: including evaluations, accusations, directives, informative statements, statements of desires, advising statements, questions, threats, jokes, and lies.
[Jacy]: As I'm sure you know by now, we've been each tasked by Dr. Nikki Harken in our interpersonal communication class with creating a website to analyze media pieces
[Jacy]: we selected at the beginning of the semester.
[Landon]: I analyzed Quentin Tarantino's film Kill Bill Volume 1, but in the podcast we'll be talking about his subsequent film Kill Bill Volume 2, which came out in 2004.
[Lexi]: I chose to analyze Damien Chazelle's 2014 movie Whiplash.
[Jacy]: And I'll be connecting the topics to the Lord of the Rings series.
[Landon]: Our listeners may have never seen our movies and shows.
[Landon]: So I have a question for you Lexi and Jacy, how would you explain your movie if you were in an elevator?
[Lexi]: Yeah, so Whiplash is a psychological thriller where we see through the eyes of a college freshman, Andrew Nieman.
[Lexi]: He practices and plays for a sadistic cutthroat but prestigious conductor, Terence Fletcher.
[Lexi]: They both want one thing, to create or be one of the greatest musicians.
[Lexi]: To do this, Fletcher uses physical and verbal abuse on his students, whereas Andrew will take the abuse, change himself, and do whatever it takes to be one of the greatest drummers.
[Jacy]: Mine on the Lord of the Rings is a movie series about a quest of many people that have to come together to destroy this one ring.
[Jacy]: It's an ancient artifact that's super powerful that was forged by a Dark Lord to take over the Middle Earth.
[Jacy]: What about you, Landon?
[Landon]: Well, Kill Bill Volume 1 and 2 are movies that depict the story of Beatrix Kiddo, who is a pregnant bride left for dead after her former assassination squad opened fire at her wedding rehearsal.
[Landon]: The movie follows her as she seeks revenge on the five of the members involved in the shooting, which constitutes worldwide travel and some pretty epic brawls.
[Landon]: The first two members are discussed in the first film, while the remaining three are covered in Volume 2.
[Landon]: My website, like previously mentioned, was over Kill Bill Volume 1, however I will be discussing the second movie throughout
[Landon]: the podcast as it contains more relevant content information.
[Lexi]: Great. We all loved each of these films and highly encourage you all to go and watch these amazing movies.
[Lexi]: Now, since that is out of the way, let's move on to explain exactly what the Dark Side of Communication is.
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[Lexi]: Chapter 14 in our 2025 Interpersonal Communication Textbook by Jason Wrench, Narissa Punyanunt-Carter, and Katherine Thwait explains many important concepts surrounding something we likely have all experienced.
[Lexi]: Communication, for the most part, is beneficial, but at some point it will cause conflict that could affect feelings and also relationships amongst each other.
[Jacy]: I'd like to add that this was once an overlooked part of interpersonal communication, which is why I think it's the most important that we all understand.
[Landon]: The Dark Side of Communication [Duh Duh Duh Music] chapter includes a number of things like
[Landon]: depictions of destructive relationship behaviors, secret tests of character or morals, infidelity, forms of aggression, as well as bullying and most importantly, hurtful messages.
[Jacy]: Our book directly states, quote, "We all have been in the position of having our feelings hurt or hurting the feelings of another.
[Jacy]: When feelings are hurt, individuals respond in many different ways.
[Jacy]: Though hurtful messages have existed since humans began, it was in 1994 that Anita L. Vangelista first developed the typology of hurtful messages," end quote.
[Landon]: The typology exclaimed that hurtful messages manifest in 10 different ways, which for time's sake will be explained individually with some examples from either of our three pieces of media.
[Landon]: Lexi will begin by explaining our first being evaluations.
[Lexi]: Thank you, Landon.
[Lexi]: The first form of hurtful messages is evaluations.
[Lexi]: Our book describes evaluations as, quote, "Negative messages that judge an individual and result in hurt feelings," end quote.
[Lexi]: This can be shown in Whiplash by all of the crude insults or jokes Fletcher makes about his students when they make a simple mistake.
[Lexi]: One such case was when he was yelling at Andrew saying, "Is that really the fastest you can play, you worthless fuck?"
[Lexi]: He was referring to Andrew's drumming.
[Jacy]: That's a really great point, Lexi, and you can see some of the similarities in The Lord of the Rings, with Faramir and his father always telling him how he's constantly never good enough, criticizing him and comparing him to his older brother.
[Jacy]: Next, the second type we are describing is accusations.
[Jacy]: These happen when someone blame another person.
[Jacy]: It can damage trust very quickly.
[Jacy]: A strong example of this in The Lord of the Rings is when Sam accuses Gollum of trying to harm Frodo.
[Jacy]: Frodo is the main character and Gollum is a little side piece who pretty much like went wrong a little while ago.
[Jacy]: And even though Sam is right, Frodo does not see it that way and starts trusting Gollum instead.
[Jacy]: That moment creates a huge divide between Frodo and Sam and shows how accusations, even when they may be true or not, can still break down relationships.
[Landon]: That was a really, really good example, Jacy.
[Landon]: Well, the third type of hurtful message that I have for you guys is directives.
[Landon]: These, according to the textbook, are, quote, "A hurtful message that involves an order or command," end quote.
[Landon]: There's a scene in Kill Bill volume two where Beatrix Kiddo trains with Kung Fu master Pai Mei, who is a stoic elder sequestered in his own Asian temple.
[Landon]: Beatrix, after brutally training day after day under his instruction, is shown struggling to use chopsticks while trying to eat rice with Pai Mei.
[Landon]: He yells after catching her eating with her fingers, quote, "If you want to eat like a dog, you can live and sleep outside like a dog.
[Landon]: Pick up those chopsticks," end quote, with the "Pick up those chopsticks" being the directive.
[Landon]: His values of tradition and manners while teaching extreme discipline are to better Beatrix's fighting skills and inevitably contain negative and hurtful messages such as directives.
[Jacy]: Yeah, that's a super good point.
[Jacy]: That almost reminds me of Gandalf, who is the greatest wizard in the series of The Lord of the Rings.
[Jacy]: He gives directives too, but in a more supportive manner, which shows the difference between helpful and hurtful communications.
[Lexi]: Great examples.
[Lexi]: The fourth type of hurtful messages is informative statements.
[Lexi]: This is when someone reveals unwanted information with the intention to hurt someone.
[Lexi]: Whiplash shows this in a slightly different way.
[Lexi]: In this one scene, Andrew is not getting Fletcher's tempo right, so Fletcher begins to yell at him.
[Lexi]: In the process, he talks about how Andrew is friendless and that his mother left him in front of the entire studio band.
[Lexi]: The things that Fletcher said are true, but they could have been left unsaid and he did it to purposely hurt Andrew.
[Jacy]: That's interesting because even stating facts can still hurt.
[Jacy]: Some characters reveal harsh truths at the wrong time, which makes it 10 times worse for the receiving person.
[Jacy]: Next, the fifth type of statement is statement of desires, when somebody expresses what they want in a way that can hurt someone.
[Jacy]: You can see this with Boromir
[Jacy]: when he talks about wanting to use the ring to save Gondor.
[Jacy]: It sounds like good intention at first, but the way he pushes Frodo makes him feel pressured and unsafe.
[Jacy]: That moment shows how even meaningful desires can come across as harmful, depending on how they can be communicated.
[Landon]: The sixth type of hurtful message is advising statements.
[Landon]: Kill Bill doesn't necessarily have a lot of advising statements, volume one, whereas volume two definitely does.
[Landon]: And this is, quote, "A call for a course of action," end quote.
[Landon]: Elle Driver meets with Bill's brother Budd to purchase Beatrix's formerly owned sword for one million dollars.
[Landon]: She successfully concealed a black mamba of all things in the money and watched as Bill writhed in pain after being bitten in the face.
[Landon]: She began a tirade where she said to Budd, quote, "Now you should listen to this because this concerns you," end quote, before menacingly describing the effects of snake venom and yield.
[Landon]: This one being far less noticeable than others, like, "bring it on" or "get help" demonstrates how advising statements vary in subtlety.
[Lexi]: Next we have number seven, which is all about questions.
[Lexi]: They seem pretty harmless, but they can be worded in a way that harms another person's feelings.
[Lexi]: Fletcher uses questions to embarrass or intimidate Andrew.
[Lexi]: He does not ask questions to get information out of him, but to show that he thinks he is incompetent.
[Lexi]: Some examples that Fletcher says is, "Why did you stop playing?"
[Lexi]: "Can you even read music?"
[Lexi]: "What is wrong with you?"
[Lexi]: "Are you out of your depth?"
[Lexi]: And he also says many more condescending questions.
[Jacy]: Number eight focuses on threats.
[Jacy]: These are when somebody used fear to try and control another person.
[Jacy]: Gollum is an amazing example of this, especially in the way that he treats Sam.
[Jacy]: He creates this constant sense of danger and tension even when he isn't necessarily being direct.
[Jacy]: That fear affects how Sam and Frodo interacts and builds mistrust between the two friends.
[Jacy]: This clearly shows how threatening communication can create a toxic environment and dynamic between people.
[Landon]: The ninth type of hurtful message and penultimate is jokes.
[Landon]: Bill prepared for his last discussion with Beatrix.
[Landon]: He sensed her trying to make a move and proclaimed, quote, "Now if you don't settle down, I'm going to have to put one in your kneecap.
[Landon]: And I hear,
[Landon]: tell that's a very painful place to get shot in," end quote, and then proceeded to chuckle and say, "Oh, I'm just fucking with you."
[Landon]: The moments that pass consist of Bill explaining his hopes for a truthful conversation, and he plans to achieve that by, bam, shooting her in the leg and shouting, gotcha, and letting out a light laugh.
[Landon]: This subtle joke is one that truly demonstrates how despicable this, quote, "Type of hurtful message that involves prank or witticism," end quote, can be.
[Jacy]: Wow.
[Jacy]: The Lord of the Rings does not rely heavily on jokes, but when humor is used in serious moments, it can sometimes feel dismissive depending on the situation.
[Lexi]: The last of the ten types of hurtful messages would be lies.
[Lexi]: It is a deceptive form of speech to hurt the other person.
[Lexi]: In the last scene of Whiplash, Fletcher tricks Andrew into having his studio band play songs Andrew doesn't know, making him look lost in front of an audience.
[Lexi]: He proceeds to later say, "Yeah, I guess maybe you don't have it," referring to him playing the drums.
[Lexi]: This can also be counted as a lie because Andrew doesn't quit and instead plays a song he does know in front of the audience and with the studio band perfectly.
[Jacy]: That's great.
[Jacy]: Gollum is probably the best example of this in The Lord of the Rings.
[Jacy]: He lies and manipulates Frodo, which ultimately damages his relationship with Sam, showing the harm in dishonesty.
[Landon]: We hope that our descriptions and analysis of the ten types of hurtful messages, including evaluations, accusations, directives,
[Landon]: informative statements, statements of desires, advising statements, questions, threats, jokes, and lies, will help to further your understanding of how these can manifest in the real world.
[Landon]: Now that we've gone over all of the content, I'd like to take a moment to just personally admit some of these hurtful messages that we find ourselves using every single day.
[Landon]: And I'll begin prior to asking Jacy and then Lexi for their responses.
[Landon]: Two of the types of hurtful messages that I find myself using a lot would be informative statements.
[Landon]: I find myself revealing a lot of information because I tend to yap quite a bit
[Landon]: and at times it can lead to uncomfortable situations that are not necessarily needed or called for and could be resolved with just a little bit more deeper thinking.
[Landon]: Another type of hurtful communication that I like to -
[Landon]: not like to, but, um, find myself partaking in would be jokes.
[Landon]: I find that humor for me is a way to cope with a lot of negative life experiences and for other people it may not be the case.
[Landon]: So sometimes when making jokes with the wrong crowd, it can dampen or hinder relationships with another person.
[Landon]: So I find it to be very important that when considering and talking with people, you kind of evaluate, not a pun on the number one hurtful message,
[Landon]: but you evaluate what you, it is that you're saying and reflect a little bit before you actually say it.
[Landon]: Jacy, are there any types of hurtful messages that you find yourself using?
[Jacy]: I'm gonna have to back you up on the jokes one especially if there's something that happened between me and somebody else in the past.
[Jacy]: I find myself joking about it with them bringing it up because I'm just not totally over it and I just keep on you know coping with it still. Another one would probably be lies.
[Jacy]: I sometimes lie. I know we all do but it just kind of gets to me
[Jacy]: and the last one would maybe be statement of desire.
[Jacy]: I feel like I do this with my car.
[Jacy]: I like, I bought it when I was 15, so my parents helped me out with it a little bit. But I'm always like, oh, I wish I had that car and that one and that one and all of these things that I wish I had.
[Jacy]: And they're just happy I'm able to drive and I'm doing all these things.
[Jacy]: Lexi, what about you?
[Lexi]: Yes, I would definitely agree with you guys on jokes.
[Lexi]: I would definitely say sometimes that I could like overstep a joke and be like, oh shoot, I didn't mean it to sound like that, but to someone else, it could definitely sound like that.
[Lexi]: I would say that kind of the questions could kind of relate into the jokes as well.
[Lexi]: I feel like sometimes I could ask, like, a question and it could come off like totally wrong and it's like, oh shoot, like, I did not mean at all for it to sound like that, but to someone else, you know?
[Lexi]: It could sound very rude, so.
[Landon]: Yeah, sometimes those questions that you ask rhetorically may come off as
[Landon]: a kind of rude or crass joke in the moment, which I completely understand.
[Landon]: Are there any types of hurtful messages that you personally really dislike having acted upon yourself?
[Landon]: Again, I'll go first prior to asking Jacy and Lexi.
[Landon]: Accusations and directives are two that I find to be quite irritating personally.
[Landon]: I don't really like being told what to do in a very directive way.
[Landon]: And I find myself overreacting a lot of times to those hurtful messages with other forms of hurtful messages.
[Landon]: That and also accusations.
[Landon]: I really do like people presenting like something that they think that I did to me and my face, um, very clearly and hearing accusations or having them thrown around very loosely does not necessarily sit the best with me.
[Landon]: What about you, Jacy?
[Jacy]: My number one's got to be accusations for sure.
[Jacy]: I do not like pointing fingers.
[Jacy]: I don't like to do that whole thing.
[Jacy]: I feel like it ruins people. It ruins their relationships.
[Jacy]: I would just prefer to like, forgive people.
[Jacy]: Let's talk about it. Everybody makes mistakes.
[Jacy]: We're all gonna accuse somebody at some point, obviously, but yeah, that one really just gets under my skin a little bit.
[Jacy]: Another one I really don't like is statements of desires, but towards me.
[Jacy]: Like, you know in relationships, sometimes you're like, oh, I wish you were a little taller.
[Jacy]: I wish you had, I don't know, just those little things that when you say those things are very hurtful.
[Jacy]: Just kind of get to you. Lexi, what about you?
[Lexi]: I completely agree with what you guys said.
[Lexi]: I would also have to say accusations, because I would definitely say, especially if the accusation against you doesn't get resolved, then all the people who believe that accusation just has that, like, view of you that's not even...
[Jacy] Built up? [Lexi]: Yes, it's false.
[Lexi]: Um, yeah, I definitely agree with like, I just want to work stuff out.
[Lexi]: Like, just let me know.
[Lexi]: Don't, like, make up false stuff.
[Jacy]: Right? Like nothing's ever that deep. Let's just get over it.
[Lexi]: Literally.
[Landon]: I really appreciate that perspective that you had on that.
[Landon]: Well, with that, we are concluding our podcast.
[Landon]: Thank you all for listening to our segment on the Dark Side of Communication.
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[Landon]: We hope that you enjoyed listening to our classmates and us on the journey of depicting 12 chapters within our class textbook.
[Lexi]: Interpersonal communication is an essential part of our everyday life and helps us build and maintain relationships in many different ways.
[Jacy]: Keep calm and remember that communication works for those who work at it.
[All]: Thank you!